How to deliver bad news
I meet lots of people who have just been told bad news. I work as an outplacement counsellor. That means that right after your manager tells you that you are losing your job and gives you a large envelope containing your severance package, you meet me. I don’t actually tell you the bad news. Your manager does that. But part of my job is to deal with your reactions, which, as you can imagine, vary widely. For some people, this news is a relief. For others, it is a complete surprise. Sometimes, it is a deep sense of humiliation. And occasionally it triggers damaging anger. For some, this news signals a joyful rebirth. Or it can trigger waves of grieving. And everything else in between.
Most people receiving this bad news generally bounce back, given enough time. It can be a painful process, but not an uncommon one. In time, most move on and regain their composure. They work through a program online and have coaching sessions with me. The length of their program depends on their former employer.
But what about their manager, the one who has to deliver the bad news? How much of my time do they get in order to deliver their dreaded message? Maybe five minutes. I wish I could coach them on how to deliver bad news. But there is no time or budget for this. These managers are thrown into the deep end. But if I could coach a manager about to fire an employee, what would I say?
I remember working with a vice-president of operations in a large firm; he had to tell his director of information technology that she no longer had a job. All he had to do was deliver the message, summarize the reasons behind his decision, explain the role of his human resources manager in this termination, mention that career coaching was part of the severance package, then leave the room. The HR manager would then review the severance package, answer any questions, then text me to enter the room.
After clarifying what I call the choreography of this meeting (the location, the timing and how to get the employee out of the building), I asked if he had any questions. He asked a question I seldom hear: How could he get ready to fire a colleague? Caught off guard, I paused then came up with, “Be fully present.” Fine. But what does “be fully present” really mean?
You need to grasp as much of the context of this bad news for the recipient as you can. Who are they? How old are they? What is their life situation? Where do they live? Who do they live with? What do you know of the recipient’s support network? And what does your intuition tell you about this person’s possible reaction?
You must do whatever you can to arrive in the moment, and be fully in the present. You are about to deliver news that will hurt. If you were the recipient, what would you need to hear? And how would you like to be told?
Being fully present is an advanced state of awareness. This is not a moment of self-forgetfulness. You don’t become smaller in these moments. This is a moment of self-transcendence. But how to get there?
Be aware of your body and how you feel right now. Look at your surroundings. What ambient sounds do you hear? Focus on your breath. Focus on your feelings. If you feel guilty or regretful, own those feelings. Rehearse what you are going to say, then throw away your script. Avoid clichés that are more about you than the person receiving the bad news. “I am sorry to have to tell you that….” or “I know this will be as difficult for you as it is for me, but…” has much more to do with you than the recipient. This is not about you.
How to deliver the bad news? Speak the words. Stick to the facts. Stick to the information the recipient has to understand right now. Offer concise explanations. Offer help. Mention resources. Be compassionate. Offer insight. Offer kindness. But deliver your core message. Do not attempt to sugar-coat a bitter pill. Become one with the situation, you and the person to whom you are delivering the bad news. You and the person you are working with are not two separate entities. Both of you are together in this situation. Fully inhabit this situation. Own it. Wear it like a warm coat in a winter storm.
What you say, beyond the basic message, will probably have little effect. How you say it will matter more. But most of all, how you are in the moment will have the greatest impact. Be fully present.
Bill Templeman is a writer, career coach, podcaster and consultant based in Peterborough, Ontario.
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